Her Last Mission
by Fabius Maximus
Summary: After this day, Kim Possible will never save the world again.


**Her last mission.**

* * *

"I've got you now!" Shego crowed as she fired bolt after bolt at Kim. Kim dove away from them and came up preparing to launch an attack.

Meanwhile, Drakken and Ron were struggling over the controls to his Pan-Dimensional Memory Eraser.

"So what will this thing do?" Ron asked.

"Erase _every_ video game on the planet!" Drakken crowed. "Save for the backed up copies in my vault…the nerds of the world will crawl to me!"

"You fiend!" Ron shouted. Then. "Wait a minute…you're trying to conquer the world with nerds?"

"Actually I'll just charge them ten dollars a head to restore their games. I've been suffering a budget crunch lately."

"Oh." Ron paused, "Well…you monetarily challenged Fiend!"

"And there's nothing you can do about it!" Drakken shouted back. "In fact, right now I've put us on world television so they can see my victory…everyone knows about this!"

"Everyone?" Shego suddenly shot her head up and looked nervous. Backing off from Kim she looked at Drakken, "_Everyone?"_

"Yes…why?"

"Um…gotta go bos-"

"_Shiela_ _Marie Go!_ _You stay right where you are!"_ Shego turned pale…very pale. She turned around and looked at a woman standing in the entrance to the lair, a woman with furious, snapping green eyes, a house coat and a purse.

"When Henry told me you were at a retreat, I believed him…and then what do I see on the TV, but you cavorting with that, red headed hussy-"

"Hey!"

"You hush!" Kim's mouth snapped shut, as the woman continued, "Playing at being a super villain instead of finding a husband, or becoming a teacher…it's…it's almost as bad as if you became a circus person!"

"I-mama…I…" Shego started backing up, "I can explain-" Suddenly, with the speed of a striking serpent, and the strength of ten, a hand lashed out, and a thumb and finger found their target, twisted… pulled….

"OW OW OW! Mama, stop, stop, owowowo!!!!" Shego wailed as she was pulled down by her twisted ear. Kim suddenly started smiling…which was a bad idea, as she forgot the woman had _another _hand.

"OW!" Kim screamed as she was pulled down in the same position, her own ear getting the wringer treatment.

"AND FOR YOU! BEATING ON MY DARLING LITTLE BABY SHEGO! WHEN I TALK TO YOUR MOTHER-"

"Owowowowowowowo!!!! Stop it stop it stop it!" Kim's voice started scaling up like a first graders.

Drakken and Ron had stopped fighting and were just watching. They kept watch as the lady stomped past them, Kim and Shego, both bent double, following her.

"Are you gonna?" Ron started.

"Nope."

"Me Neither." Pause. "What about your doomsday plan…"

"Kinda wel-" Drakken was cut off by a pair of screams.

"MAMA!"

"Miss, Please, my ear! Not the ear-"

"Don't you EAR ME, you little hussy, running around like that-"

"But-owwwwww!!!!"

Ron turned to Drakken. "This is going out world wide?"

"Yep."

"Wow."

"Yep." The door slammed, leaving them both alone.

"So…ah…your plot?"

"I seems kind of useless." Drakken said, "Now that…" He pointed towards the door. "I mean, I need a sidekick to handle all the details, and I don't think Shego's reputation will survive this…"

"Got a point…Hey!" Ron said, brightening up. "I can be your assistant!"

"Side-" Ron frowned, "remember Zorpex and that night—you know my name." Drakken turned pale.

"Well, of course Ronald…what shall we do, conquer England? Or Canada?"

"Nah, got a much better plan then that—Rufus, go find a computer—I need a powerpoint presentation!" Drakken frowned.

"You've been working on this?:"

"Sure—it's not all that evil…"

"Then wh-"

"But it will make us rich…"

"Ohhhhhhhh…."

* * *

"So Kim isn't in the world saving business anymore?" Monique asked.

"Well," Ron said, "It was kinda hard, I mean after all of her enemies started laughing when they saw her… I guess the last straw was when Dementor did his "not the ear, lady" skit on late night… I mean it's kinda hard to be taken seriously after that." Ron sighed, "He made some money from the merchandising." He continued, as Bonnie walked past in a Club Banana shirt with NOT THE EAR, PLEASE on it.

"So what is she doing?"

"Um… Well she needed some space…where people wouldn't make jokes."

"And?"

"She's with Frederick."

"The space monkey? Isn't he um…"

"In orbit." Ron said.

"Oh, she's that tweaked."

"Well it was that or the Antarctic Ice Station counting penguins…"

"So Frederick doesn't know?"

"Um, yeah, he does."

"And he doesn't laugh?" Monique said, giggling, "I mean, it was kind of funny—16 forms of Kung Fu and her arch enemy, screaming like small children."

"Um…well, he laughs. But Kim doesn't know Monkey…so keep it to yourself."

"Oh, I will." Monique grinned. "And your new invention!"

"Yep, Coco-Moo with mind control chips." Ron said, grinning, "Give your kids that sugar high they want and put 'em to bed when _you_ want." He grinned, "They even burn out by the next day so you have to buy another box of Coco-Moo. Stores can't keep them on the shelf, and Me and Dr. D are cleaning up, splitting it 40-40."

"Forty-forty? Um…"

"Rufus is in for twenty percent, right Rufus?"

"Uh-huh! The rodent said, waving his gold toothpick. With that, Ron grinned and got up and headed for the Bueno Nacho counter.

"So… I'd like another Grande sized-" He blinked, "Shego?"

"No…just Shiela." Shego said, a silly cartoon sombrero (the latest promotion) covering most of her hair. "Would you like that with our special Sombreros?"

"Nah- so this is where you're working."

"Yeah, nobody takes me seriously anymore, and I never graduated and…" She looked around, both ways, and then grabbed him, pulling him close to her, and Ron saw her eyes brimming. "Help me…_please_. If I have to handle another junior high lunch rush…." Ron blinked.

"You did help set Kim up with Erik… but I'm not one to hold a grudge." Shego was so desperate she didn't even heed the warning bells in her head.

* * *

Shego stood at the porch with Ron…and she was dressed to the nines. None of her green and black…mama had thrown that all away in the sudden and unexpected clearing of her dressers. No, she was wearing a nice, modest _good girls_ dress. Shego thought about dumping it and getting good clothes…and her ear gave a twitch and she remembered the laughter on the villain net…and the cartoons.

"OK, who is this nice guy I'm supposed to go out with…"

"He's just about finished. Remember, you have to be nice to him… you promised, and your mother-"

"We don't' need to bring up mama's threats…" Shego said shivering. Mama hadn't been very happy with the rest of the family—or at least that was why she thought Hego was cowering in the closet.

"Good!" Ron said. The door opened, Shego's face went still, the blood draining from it. This was…he wouldn't…he didn't….

"Sheila, meet Kim's cousin Larry. Larry, meet your blind date Shego. Have fun you two—Drakken and I have to go hire an accountant for the company…" Ron waved as he left.

"Hi!' Larry said, "I just got a great night lined up—first we go for some gaming, then there's a marathon of sci-fi bloopers, then there's a costume LARP party…"

"I'm in hell." Shego said, "Kimmie and I both went to hell…"

"And then there's the all you can eat buffet…"

Shego whimpered and let him lead her inside. Why try and escape her hideous fate?

The ever loving end.


End file.
